I had assumed and hoped that I wouldn't have to write about these two weasels again. Last year, the grand jury investigating the 1996 strangling death of their daughter, six-year-old sleazy beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey, came up empty. Earlier this year, John and Patsy went on their "How Could Two Such Outstanding Upscale Bereaved Parents Be Killers?" book selling tour. So can't they just disappear now?
They got away with murder. Do I have any proof? No. Apparently, neither do the cops or prosecutors. Then why the hell am I making these wild accusations against people who haven't been (and never will be) charged with any crime?
Because I trust my nose. And that foul odor in the air is the smell of guilt. John and Patsy have reeked of guilt since Day 1 and they're still spreading the stench. We all need gas masks and a case of deodorant.
This week, John and Patsy lowered themselves down from their high and mighty horses, and deigned to be questioned about the crime by the Boulder police for the first time in two years. Immediately after JonBenet was found dead, the Ramseys blew town and refused to speak to the police for five months, during which they negotiated the conditions and terms of the questioning. Conditions and terms? If your daughter was murdered (and you were innocent) wouldn't you answer any question for anyone trying to find the killer? The pungent, pervasive guilt smell has me gagging.
This week's session did not demonstrate any change in John and Patsy's cavalier attitude towards the investigation. Their lawyer, L. Lin Wood, described the questioning as a "fishing expedition" and called prosecutor Michael Kane an "overzealous, obsessive special prosecutor ... who long ago lost his objectivity."
The Ramseys refused to answer certain questions they "thought were not helpful." Does that sound like people who want to advance a stalled investigation? Or does it fill the room with the oppressive, fart-like fragrance of shameless guilt?
Afterwards, Patsy tried to play therapist to the hapless investigators: "Whatever obstacles are in your way that make you think I killed my child, I want to help you get over that." Thanks for your concern, Patsy. Now we'll need some air freshener in here.
Where does that leave the investigation? Stinking. Here are some events that are more likely to happen than for JonBenet's killer(s) to be finally nailed:
o Bill Clinton will have sex with Hillary.
o Pat Buchanan will have sex with anybody.
o Marisleysis Gonzalez will become a certified child care provider.
o Firestone will find success by switching from making tires to making rubbers.
o The Russian navy will be overrun with volunteers for submarine duty.
o Ellen DeGeneres will find another girlfriend as hot as Anne Heche.
I've been trying to think of something positive that's come out of all this and I can only come up with one thought: At least we don't have to worry about JonBenet growing up to resemble her parents.